31 weeks.

Haven, the last 31 weeks of my life could never have been at a better time. You alone are reason for me to be a better ME. You are my sunshine on a cloudy day and my smile through tears. Its not been easy but I would never take it back. You are such a blessing to my life. I love you more than I knew I ever could. There's many worries I have, but I know one thing... I will ALWAYS love you and you will ALWAYS have my heart. I can't wait to hold your tiny body. Only 8 weeks and 3 days left. It couldn't come soon enough. Your Aunt Alyssa has her hand on you right now making sure you are growing just right. My angels. <3


I love you Haven Lyric-Alyse.

My smile.

I find myself sitting alone in my car, at my desk, even in my bed, with a grin plastered on my face. Not because some guy is sending me sweet messages. Not because I'm being told how beautiful I am everyday constantly...but because I have the best gift from God in me. My baby girl. Haven Lyric-Alyse. My little miracle. My sunshine on a rainy day. My strength on days when I want to give up. I have dreams about holding you, Haven. You sucker punching my guts everyday is starting to become one of my favorite parts of the day. You aren't even here yet and I love you more than I could ever imagine. I don't need someone holding my hand, looking me in the face telling me they love me because I have you. You tell me you love me all day everyday, just by being a feisty baby everyday. I am so anxious and excited to hold you before ANYONE! Yes, I am being selfish, but you are forever mine. My little sunshine. My angel. My world. You are going to be an amazing person, big dreamer, and goal chaser. I cannot express the love in my heart and how warm and fuzzy I feel every single time you nudge my belly button. <3

Maybe its the weather....

Maybe this change in weather has made me happier in general the last few days but I am finding myself alot more content with things.... I am starting to care less about who talks to me from day to day and focus more on what and who matters. I have heard from people lately I hadn't heard from in almost a year simply because they want to say "I miss you." whether its true or not, I don't know....but I do know that I am above sitting here and wondering if they meant it or if I should even listen. I have a family now. MY family. I am learning how BLESSED I am for everything that is happening. Some people come and go in your life. Some people judge. The ones that matter are the ones that stick around and that will continue to be in your life. Sometimes the past is something to wake you up when you need it the most. My past used to haunt me. Images hanging in my mind to make me wonder "what if" but now I look past those.. A year ago my heart was broken and I didn't know if I could ever be put back together. My heart has never been happier. My new family has blessed me more than I could ever even imagine. God has a plan for my life. I need to stop looking at the "what if's" and look at the "whats going to be". I can't wait for those to get here. Love is patient and pure. I will love my future and my new family more than I the thought of love I had a year ago. This is new and I am embracing every moment of it.

The little angel I have inside of me growing has made me a new person. Some people say "a baby is a big deal dude"... well, DUH, but I am 100% prepared to take this new journey with my new family. I can't wait. I have never been so settled, at peace, or caring in my heart in my whole life.

I LOVE YOU FAMILY. <3

Baby. Baby. Baby.

Maybe its sad that I don't want to hang out with many people. Maybe its sad I don't miss the things I did at first. I just love laying in bed every evening and playing poking games with you. I love watching my belly move where you decide to karate chop at the moment. I think its funny that you already have likes and dislikes and that I can already learn those things. You HATE when i put anything warm on you. You like to stay cool, and I don't blame you. You like certain music already...Well I think you do....I can feel you move more with some genres more than others. Its so cute!


I dream about you. Then you wake me up with more punches to my innards, though it is SO CUTE, it also deprives me of sleep. I usually can put you back to sleep pretty fast, but other times, you just want to be awake. Lots of movement means a happy baby! (As I see it) I can't wait for you to get here babygirl! You are going to be amazing. I already know. Your Daddy and I love you very much... He loves seeing how big you (my belly) get! He would really like to feel you kick, so maybe you should be nice and do that.


LOVE YOU ANGEL BABY! <3

A Letter to Haven

Dear Haven,

I love you so much. I never knew a love like this. No matter what kind of day I am having, the slightest kick, nudge, or movement from you makes my a million times better. You are such a blessing to my life. Your Daddy and I are so excited for you to keep growing and get here! You make us smile. Your Daddy thinks you're going to be a Daddy's girl, but I have to playfully tell him you're a Momma's girl! (: You're going to be quite the itty bitty angel baby that your Daddy and I have probably needed to have a little more push in life. You are going to be so amazing pretty baby.

I love you.
Momma

Change is good.

There's been lots of changes in my life in the last 6 months. A new job, new friends, a new part of my family. None of which I would trade. 


Emotions run high now that I have a little one assisting in the way I am feeling. I feel relaxed, at ease, and settled with the way my "new life" is. Mostly because I have a miracle in the making going on with me every single day. Some people say I act "stressed", "negative", ect., and to be honest I could not care any less. Those who truely know me know how stoked I am to have this baby! How excited I am about all of it. 


When I feel her kick and move, it doesn't fail to put a smile on my face. Its funny that she won't let other people feel it. Little turd, already playing games. (: I pray everyday for a healthy, happy baby. I listen to happy music, so that my itty bitty angel baby is happy too. I like to lay in bed at night when I wake up at 4 in the morning and just hold her...so that she know's I am there. She knows that I love her. I can tell. 


We went to the doctor today to check on everything (and to make sure SHE was indeed a SHE). We went to the ultrasound, got jelly squirted on my belly, and got to see her! We got to see her tiny body. Her tiny head. Her little nose and mouth. Her hands and feet, SO CUTE. They measured her brain, checked her heart and blood flow, and everything was, "perfect" according to my doctor. While we were in there, we got to see her roll from her back to her side. It was so cute! I cannot wait to meet her in real life! <3 I just know she is going to be adorable. 


Thank you God for answering my prayers. I have a healthy baby <3

Guardian Angel

This is for Haven Lyric-Alyse.

You have a very special guardian angel. She is watching over you everyday. She is your Aunt Alyssa. She was my big sister. She was the best big sister anyone could ask for. She made plenty of mistakes but I know, probably more than anyone, how pure her heart was. Though I was the little sister, she always opened up to me when it mattered most. I know she loves you just as much as I do even though she isn't here to tell you. She was beautiful inside and out. Her heart was big and that was probably one of the biggest parts of her that I loved so much.

She wasn't always nice to me, but what sibling is always nice? She always had big dreams which I hope is a characteristic that you will inherit from her. I hope you can feel her in your spirit the way I have for years. She was funny, beautiful, but mostly caring. She didn't always show how she felt nor what she was thinking, but I always, somehow got to know. Whether is was a night that I got to be the listener or through her anger, I somehow always knew what was going on...

I want you, Haven, to know when you are scared, she has her arms wrapped around you. When you are strong, she will be right beside you. When you are worried, she will help you find peace. When you are loving, she smiles. When you cry, she wipes your tears. When you laugh, she laughs. She is your Aunt and always will be. She loves you baby. Very much.