My smile.

I find myself sitting alone in my car, at my desk, even in my bed, with a grin plastered on my face. Not because some guy is sending me sweet messages. Not because I'm being told how beautiful I am everyday constantly...but because I have the best gift from God in me. My baby girl. Haven Lyric-Alyse. My little miracle. My sunshine on a rainy day. My strength on days when I want to give up. I have dreams about holding you, Haven. You sucker punching my guts everyday is starting to become one of my favorite parts of the day. You aren't even here yet and I love you more than I could ever imagine. I don't need someone holding my hand, looking me in the face telling me they love me because I have you. You tell me you love me all day everyday, just by being a feisty baby everyday. I am so anxious and excited to hold you before ANYONE! Yes, I am being selfish, but you are forever mine. My little sunshine. My angel. My world. You are going to be an amazing person, big dreamer, and goal chaser. I cannot express the love in my heart and how warm and fuzzy I feel every single time you nudge my belly button. <3

Maybe its the weather....

Maybe this change in weather has made me happier in general the last few days but I am finding myself alot more content with things.... I am starting to care less about who talks to me from day to day and focus more on what and who matters. I have heard from people lately I hadn't heard from in almost a year simply because they want to say "I miss you." whether its true or not, I don't know....but I do know that I am above sitting here and wondering if they meant it or if I should even listen. I have a family now. MY family. I am learning how BLESSED I am for everything that is happening. Some people come and go in your life. Some people judge. The ones that matter are the ones that stick around and that will continue to be in your life. Sometimes the past is something to wake you up when you need it the most. My past used to haunt me. Images hanging in my mind to make me wonder "what if" but now I look past those.. A year ago my heart was broken and I didn't know if I could ever be put back together. My heart has never been happier. My new family has blessed me more than I could ever even imagine. God has a plan for my life. I need to stop looking at the "what if's" and look at the "whats going to be". I can't wait for those to get here. Love is patient and pure. I will love my future and my new family more than I the thought of love I had a year ago. This is new and I am embracing every moment of it.

The little angel I have inside of me growing has made me a new person. Some people say "a baby is a big deal dude"... well, DUH, but I am 100% prepared to take this new journey with my new family. I can't wait. I have never been so settled, at peace, or caring in my heart in my whole life.

I LOVE YOU FAMILY. <3

Baby. Baby. Baby.

Maybe its sad that I don't want to hang out with many people. Maybe its sad I don't miss the things I did at first. I just love laying in bed every evening and playing poking games with you. I love watching my belly move where you decide to karate chop at the moment. I think its funny that you already have likes and dislikes and that I can already learn those things. You HATE when i put anything warm on you. You like to stay cool, and I don't blame you. You like certain music already...Well I think you do....I can feel you move more with some genres more than others. Its so cute!


I dream about you. Then you wake me up with more punches to my innards, though it is SO CUTE, it also deprives me of sleep. I usually can put you back to sleep pretty fast, but other times, you just want to be awake. Lots of movement means a happy baby! (As I see it) I can't wait for you to get here babygirl! You are going to be amazing. I already know. Your Daddy and I love you very much... He loves seeing how big you (my belly) get! He would really like to feel you kick, so maybe you should be nice and do that.


LOVE YOU ANGEL BABY! <3